Marriage Life

Amsterdam by my wife ❤️

You, the man, the flag bearer, are the honor of the house. You carry respect and you govern the principles. You are wisdom, knowledge and struggle that pushes the ride forward. You take the wheel, at times dodge obstacles and other times face them. But you are still not the manhood-ness, chauvinist and anti-feminist in the house. Still not the angry, fierce and loud member of the team. You still do not have a right to hit, hurt or pinch your family.

There is a dire need to maintain the balance. A need to take the responsibility. Let’s discuss these limits of men and women to lead a successful life.

1. Limits of a Man

2. Limits of a Woman

Limits of a Man

Natural Rings by Joel & Jasmin Førestbird

Prophet (PBUH) had set a baseline of his life. He united his clan. Protected them. Fought for them. Stood beside his companions to keep their life’s easier, comfortable and full of life. In early days of Islam, while it was all chaotic, he found courage in Quran and his clan.

The Prophet (PBUH) has all the love to give to his companions, but never had allowed any of them to get into the defined boundaries of Islam. He never allowed anyone to break the declared principles that were needed to be kept intact.

We all men, need to have a baseline to maintain respectful relationships both inside and outside our clan. Follow these guidelines.

1 Do not have varying boundaries for each in your family, friends and opponents. Your all limits are uniform, clear and easier to understand. You do not have a bigger circle ⭕️ for your wife, and a smaller circle for your mother. An easier life standard for your siblings but a difficult standard set for your friends. You talk to boss humble, and you talk to your subordinates louder. You do not have varying images of yourself. You have only one Uniform circle, can be bigger, smaller or moderate, for everyone in your life.

2 Do not attack people who break these defined circle. Do not talk to them louder, angry or be disrespectful. You only need to tell them, remind them politely, soberly make them realize that they have entered the no-go area of your life. It is going to hurt them. Staying here longer will only cause them trouble. Still, you do not attack them.

3 Attack when they stay here longer than it is possible. Longer they disrespect and forsake your boundaries, longer they build your momentum to get a stronger punch. And once you have punched them, it has to be felt to their roots. It has to set an example. It has to put fear into the hearts of people alike them, wanting to violate the limits. Like Badr, Qurayza, Hudaybia and Yarmook, the punch should be written down in the pages of history. It should set an ever lasting example of courage, bravery and strength.

Limits of a woman

Rose by Annie Spratt

You thought only men were fighters? You thought only men wanted control? You thought only men were meant to rule? No. Women were built same, raised same and fought same. They are exactly like you, men. Same requirements and priorities.

There is a misunderstanding that Women are a little lower than men and they are a little behind than the “honorable kings” of our houses. They are powerful, beautiful, talented and analytical just like men.

The Quran and Sunnah wanted us to define our boundaries, act sober inside them and set examples for others to follow. We however thought these wantings of Quran are heavier and difficult to follow. Let’s define the women’s boundaries.

1 They need surety, delight and stability. They want to feel respected. They need your love, wisdom and knowledge. They need to understand your plans to their minute details. They want to stand beside you, the first, in all ranks and fight beside you. They want you give them credit and honor their efforts. They need just that, your sincerity. As you give it to them, they become yours, fight for you and lead you to your brighter life.

2 They need help. They want you to join them in kitchen, on walk, at job and home. They want you to cook them a meal 1 day and clean the drawing room another day. They don’t speak of it yet. They don’t call for help yet. They have better standards of lowering themselves than you. They need you around them, more than you need them around you. Find small things in your life, where you can stand beside your wife, and amplify them. That is how they look at things, which you take for granted. That is how you hurt them. And that is how you ruin your marriages.

3 Your wife wants you to run the house. Overall she says, she wants the control. But inside, she respects a Man for being a Man. Who has principles, values and courage to stand strong to. They crave love of a good brave person. They want you to be their hero. They need you to make them feel elevated in gatherings, calls and isolation. They need you take control of everything in the house, build its foundation stronger and give them a respectable place to live in. They need peace and they want it flows in through you. That is how Prophet PBUH lived his life, humble, bold and transparent. We need to build our house on these lines as Prophet PBUH built his house.

Conclusion

Justice by Ashton Bingham

You do not point your finger on others. You do not blame others for your problems. You do not declare a person the reason of your failures. This formula stands strong for your family as well. They are not your problem. If you are finding problems inside them, then believe me, you are the real problem. If you are finding it hard to run your marriage with stability, brother, you are the cause of this problem. You are not taking responsibility, not acting leader and not going humble. You can not, have not and yet not known, the meanings of the talks inside the heart of your wife. You do not yet know, she is evil, bad or disgusting. You do not yet know, she is more deserving for Paradise than you. You do not yet know how Allah will treat her on judgment day. If you are finding problems inside your wife today, believe me, you are going hay wire to the solutions of living a stable marriage life. Your wife is not the reason, you are the reason. Accept it. Live upto it. Take responsibility. And embrace your failures as your own. So that you do not give up on your clan.