I am incomplete

Self by xandro Vandewalle

4 months of recitations doesn’t make me a scholar. 120 days of blogs doesn’t make me a writer. Some prayers and few talks doesn’t make me eligible for heaven.

Let us talk utter submission.

1. A slave

2. Head down, walk forward

1. A slave

Drop by Farid Askerov

I read the following verse of Quran today;

And whenever a surah is revealed, there are among the hypocrites those who say, "Which of you has this increased faith?" As for those who believed, it has increased them in faith, while they are rejoicing.
- Surah Tobah verse 124

The above verse was revealed in the times of Battle of Tabooq, where muslims travelled nearly 800 miles from Madina to encounter Romans. It was sheer distress, extreme heat and a huge test to separate the true slaves of Allah from disbelievers.

The verse tells the believers rejoice, every verse of Quran. When they hear Quran, they lower their head in prostration and ask for forgiveness. When they hear the verses of Allah, they tremble, shake and cry. To tell honest, I don’t tremble yet, shake or cry yet.

We are nothing, but slaves of Allah. Our life times of prayers, efforts and sadaqats won’t help us. The slight impurity, pride or hypocrisy inside our hearts renders us in-eligible to Allah’s mercy.

The thought of incompleteness has so overwhelmingly taken over me, I feel I might never make it. Some tell me, it is disappointing and some say it is negativity. But it is a war, a continuous run, a sequel of falls that is needed out of me. I am not worried, right now. I am not running fast enough. I am not hitting the limits frequent enough. I am not crying. The verse above is neither proving rejoice-full for me, nor motivational. If I look back, at the run so far, I have not moved yet. I am standing still, thinking, I am not ready yet.

A state where I do not see a beggar roaming the streets. None needs zakat. None feels unjust. None is harmed. No cast. No rich. No poor. A state, where everyone is equal, honest and loving. Somewhere, where we feel we are closer to Allah. A place where we see ourselves as His messengers. That we make Him proud of us.

I have not packed my bags yet. I have not yet gathered the courage to move towards the solution. I lack the strength, meat and zeal to take the step and change it all.

2. Head down, walk forward

Human by Farid Askerov

The only solution, the way out and work-able path is I walk head down, without thinking, every second and forward. At no point, I stop at moving. At no point, I not tell people there is Allah, we are going to meet. Never, I halt, look back and tell myself, I travelled much enough.

Some day, the world might understand, the rich might get a hint, the luxurious might find, the wealth, the richness and the beauty lies in simplicity. It lies in helping poor. It lies in sharing, caring and spreading light. It lies in building schools, raising slaves and embracing failures. Some day, the people, might find, it is all inside Quran.

Conclusion

Molokini Crater, Maui, United States by Farid Askerov

Consider it a sea, the fishes and the water. You are swimming. Diving deep. Holding breath. Stroking forward. Moving. Embracing. Rejoicing. Each word, making a minaret. The sentences creating the pillars. The chapters making foundations. The book creating slaves.

I am a slave of Allah. I am His, creation. My hours, minutes and seconds are only His. I, the soul inside, to the flesh outside, is His to control. I am nothing but a speck in the desert. I am a sinner. I am not the way He wanted me to be. I am not making Him proud of me. I am not there yet. I am not, the true believer yet. I am incomplete, as incomplete as a Hindu, a Christian, a Jew or a Blaspheme. Just that, incomplete.